racoma.netI love to write. I write to live. I live to love.

In my several offline dealings with people, I have often been given the patronizing tone. I’m too young, they say. I’m too inexperienced. I’m too easy to deceive and fool. Perhaps it’s due to my often unassuming appearance. Or the fact that I’m often quiet and laid back.

This kind of condescending attitude tends to make people feel powerful and superior. However, in my opinion this can be dangerous. Appearances can deceive. You don’t know if you might soon lose a battle because you have underestimated the opponent. And, perhaps, it’s the people who are silent and not so vocal whom you should be more afraid of. The person who looks unassuming and innocent might not be so innocent after all. The silence could, perhaps, mean he is keenly observing and learning. After all, it’s the attitude of being haughty and high strung that can prevent one from truly appreciating the people and situations around them.

In my dealings with people, I have often been silent, but observant. I try to discern what could be going on in their minds–their motives and their goals. I try to bring together pieces of the puzzle to arrive at the bigger picture.

When you are not considered a threat, people let their defenses down. They trust you more easily.

I know a priest who often dresses in casual clothes when not officiating religious celebrations. He explained one time that he prefers to mingle in with the crowd because when people recognize someone as being a man of the cloth, they often try to be at their best and kindest. And most of the time, folks become pretentious when in the presence of people they recognize as authority. But when you’re wearing a T-shirt, jeans and sandals just like everyone else, you can be invisible. And you can see people for who they really are.

This is the opposite of the condescending scenario I described above. If you are a celebrity, a person in power, or someone who wields authority, people are in awe at you and bow down to your every whim. But you do not know if they are sincere, or if they are only being kind because of your stature.

When people put their best foot forward, they have their guard up. Oftentimes, it becomes difficult to see past the window-dressing. What are their intentions? What are their thoughts? Sometimes, it’s the condescending people who might be window-dressing. You don’t know if that aura of haughtiness is just a facade, or if it is being used to compensate for something lacking.

The next time you talk to someone, try to think about this. Is that person window-dressing? Is that person being sincere?

Try being invisible sometime. People-watching can be fun, you know!

image credit: flickr/andyburnfield